The Blondes by Emily Schultz

I’m going to cut to the chase with this one- what a waste of my time.  This novel is so chaotic and melodramatic. I read it’s 350 pages in 2 days, and the entire time I just kept hoping it would get better…

The main character, Hazel, finds out she is pregnant by her thesis advisor, Karl, a married man twice her age. The affair is messy, to say the least. The day she finds out she is pregnant, she also witnesses the first case of “the Blonde Fury” pandemic, later to become known as SHV (the acronym is explained in the novel if you decided it’s your thing and you want to read it). This happens in the first 20 pages or so. From there, the story shifts from past to present with very little transition notice to the reader (reading in the present, oh now in the past, oh, just kidding present again). As Hazel waffles about how to handle the pregnancy news, she has to figure out how to navigate the pandemic hair disease that they akin to rabies. It’s nuts guys.

I give credit to the author for creating an interesting fantasy outbreak (blondes contracting this disease basically attack people like rabid animals IS pretty good imagery) but to me, the plot is all over the place, the climax is anticlimactic, the character development is just really strange… I could go on. The cover jacket gives the novel high praise for it being satirical, unsettling, and intelligent, so maybe I’m just missing the point. But for those that actually take my recommendation, I’d say you could pass on this one.

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